by Loren McDonald

EMAIL, LIKE LIFE, IS "LIKE a box of chocolates": Sometimes you get things that are hard to chew.

In the last year or so, my fellow Insider columnists and I have written about why email is neither dead nor dying, despite what naysayers insist. What will wound email is the enemy within: not spam, regulation or even the SMS/Facebook/MySpace generation, but our own ignorant practices.

Stupid is as stupid does. If Forrest Gump were an email marketer instead of a shrimper, he would explain that when otherwise smart marketers do stupid things, they are, in essence, stupid.

Marketers who do commit mistakes or deploy lame practices fall into four general categories:

1.Inexperienced marketers who truly don't know any better. 2.Marketers at all levels who know what to do but simply lack the time or resources to do the right thing. 3.Marketers who are guilty, from human or technical errors. 4.Those who choose to ignore common sense, best practices, legislation -- or are pressured by bosses or aggressive goals.

For inexperienced marketers, the amount of information, articles, seminars, Webinars, conferences, white papers, etc., that are available is almost mind-boggling. If someone new to the email marketing space can't get educated, then they clearly aren't trying or are better suited to a shrimp boat.

The reality is that most marketers fall into category No. 2. They have 15 to 20 different marketing responsibilities, and getting it done takes precedence over getting it done right. For these folks, the only answer is "Stop, smell the roses and better communicate email's value and ROI to management."

Human or technical errors happen. But through formal processes and testing, 99% of most errors can be eliminated.

Our biggest challenge is the last group: those that choose to ignore what I refer to as generally accepted best practices (GABP, stealing from the financial community's GAAP standards).

I don't have the answer to deal with these marketers. Bad and shameful practices are prevalent in all areas of marketing. All I have to do is open my postal mailbox every day to see deceitful copy on envelopes, too much fine print, overmailing of offers and other bad practices.

At least with email, we can hope that spam complaints, CAN-SPAM violations and blacklists ultimately get the message across to these bad actors.

Examples of these stupid practices and mistakes are numerous, but here are just a few to enjoy with some of Bubba's shrimp:

Ignorance is (Not) Bliss

• Not using a friendly "from" name in the sender line, just using an email address.
• Using an exclamation point in subject lines.
• Not having a welcome email.
• Hiding the email opt-in on your Web site.
• Using single-large-image emails.

Lazy is as Lazy Does

• Using and not optimizing the default system-generated text (converted from your HTML version) in a multi-part message.
• Not asking for basic preferences such as "HTML versus text."
• Not including a preference center.
• Too many required fields in opt-in forms.
• Not performing good list hygiene.

To Error is Human

• Bad links.
• Typos.
• Forgetting to change a placeholder subject line or message content to the real one.
• Using outdated or incorrect images.
• Sending the test message to the entire list.
• Sending recipients to the wrong page or "Web version."

Bad, Forrest! Bad!

• Scraping email addresses off the Web and adding them to your database.
• Hidden or difficult unsubscribe process
• Sharing email records within your company or outside vendors without permission.
• Disregarding preferences.
• Buying a list (as opposed to renting quality lists) - (Hint: If it comes on a CD:ROM, run Forrest, run).
• Playing musical chairs with ESPs in an attempt to outrun your bad sender reputation.

Momma always says there's an awful lot you could tell about a company by the emails it sends. Well, Forrest, I may not be a smart man, but I know what stupid emails look like. And, so do your customers.

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